Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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