i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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