She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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