Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
