who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
