Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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