I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
