Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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