I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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