Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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