To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
