Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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