respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
