hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize