Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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