Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
