is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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