people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
even my farts smell like vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
