i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
