I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
