yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
