I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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