where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
