the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
