So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize