Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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