You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
