I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
