I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
