just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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