So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
