NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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