I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
