I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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