I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
