what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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