I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Randomize
