I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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