Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
