it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
