did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
