first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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