I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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