I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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