I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
