She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
