There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I deserve this hangover.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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