guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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