if only i could text you this smell
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
