Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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