UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
