he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
