he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
