I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She's the barista slut.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
