I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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