Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
