my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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