I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
