I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
