Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
