your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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