guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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