I bet he comes in French.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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