The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
