I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
