I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
