if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
