Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
