Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
